Sunday, January 25, 2015

Been Tumblring...Until Now (A Few Years Ago...)

    "It's been a long time since I've posted anything online (here, Tumblr, Twitter). I've lost interest in so many things, (of course) one of them being writing. Passion is no longer in anything I do because everything has become more of a chore than a hobby/past-time activity. But, I choose from now on to push myself to do things that made me happy once upon a time. To try and rekindle the flame. These posts may be boring and somewhat depressing, but they are my life and thoughts (and I will say that my passion is deteriorating faster than it is recuperating). However, those things may change, sooner or later. It's worth a try, yes?

    Life has been better or worse. I can't really say that everything is the way I would like it to be, but I think that things are the way they are should be. I dream of having a real relationship, a few new friendships, and the renewing of a few old bonds. I often think of what it would be like to be independent, to have my own place, to live where there is always something to do. Those are all I think about. I see the blessings in everyone else's life, and I get a bit jealous. I question myself, my morals, my attitude. Why haven't I seen any progress? What am I doing (or not doing)? It's not that I am not happy for those who have what they want. I just want to know where is mine? I've waited. I don't see myself as undeserving. I'm different from the norm, I'll admit, but that's not bad, is it?" 

 This is me years ago, and honestly, while I have grown, little has changed. I have graduated from college (finally), and gotten promoted to full time Visual Merchandiser at my job. As exciting as it seems, it can stand some improvement, being that it is a job with a fancier title. However, I have been able to afford my own place to live and get out a little more. I have realized that I am more of a homebody, still. Now, I am hoping I don't get so stuck in one place like most people do. I still dream, just not as often, because I don't have as much time. It is just not how I hoped it would be, but nothing ever is. Surprising? No. It's okay, though.

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