Sunday, December 2, 2012

A Not-So-Perfect Entry.

I want to codify my feelings. Contrive a better plan for my life. However, my dilatory being refuses to exit its comfort zone. I end up suffering dispraise and direful consequences, which I have been used to for the last 4 1/2 years. My loss of frolicsome has made me realize how unaware I was of society. The mirey society. I began my independent life with such officiousness and ended up feeling the torture of life. Like I have declined from prize to pine, seeing that nothing has changed for the better, but for worse. I used to demand primacy, even when it was evident that I wasn't as pugilistic as others in the same shoes. My reproach was to my disability and then to myself, when I decided to just accept that it was me. People pushed to spruce me, but after being in this state of gloom since the days of middle school, it has become extremely hard for me to be spry. I continue to supersede what is most important. To seek help and happiness.
 It's like there have been a torrent of feelings, words, and emotions forming a mental hurricane, getting bigger and bigger. Feeling as though I don't belong anywhere, like a vagabond to life. I used to be vociferous about my feelings, my life in vexation. I look at my past with the look of aversion, wishing things never happened, but highly appreciating that they did. I tend to be amiable and concerned, seeing that someone knows that someone knows. That there are still burly beings out there.

I try to cultivate my talents, whatever they may be. For now, I'm not so sure. I attempt to distend my knowledge with words and art. I think it calms me down when in a hectic mood. I want to exhume my love for art through words. Be a fashion writer or editor. When I look at art- fashion in particular- it is with great fervor. My hunger for it is indelible. I look to fashion with such laud and admiration that makes me feel sumptuous. At least, temporarily. My vehement desire and love for one's expression through style has excelled to great measures over the years. When I look into street style, I see impeccably pristine taste in style and expression. It gives me a sense of happiness and assurance. A sigh of relief.  

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